Not From Venus

If there is one good thing that has come out from me being a girl,…what the hell, can’t think of shit. It’s just a pile of disappointments.

I have tons of guy friends. And I mean, I’m the only lady in quite some groups. I cannot truly express how envious I get sometimes. They’re so free to do anything they want. They can wear stupid shorts. The don’t match their shoes with their outfit and nobody bats an eye. And I kid you not, they can stay out late. This is not just parent permissions. They literally don’t have to be worried of being abducted or sexually teased. I mean I once had a glass bottle thrown at me; in my own street!! and when I ignored it, that drunk pervert flashed his dick at me. More on that another time. But boys actually are the winners.

Do you know how expensive it is to be a tomboy? You spend on tampons as well as video games. You gotta fucking wax! Or get ready for the judgy stares. Stares for not sitting correctly. Stares for your bra being seen. (gasp). Stares of the rapist. Glaring eyes. Like you ran away with their most prized possession. But who am I kidding, running is a joke when you have tits glued to your chest.

To make things worse, I happen to have a predominantly guy’s name. I have been abused on whatsapp groups. I was once hit on by another girl. I’ve been brozoned by boys more times than I count. Tell you what, I gotta hear the puns about ‘meet’ing everytime I make a conversation. A college girl with a conservative family was grounded for speaking to me on the phone at night because her parents thought I’m her boyfriend.

I hate shopping, people mock. I don’t wear my hair down, people mock. I can’t walk in heels. I like the genres of dark comedy and thriller much more than romance. I’m not into cooking or makeup. People keep mocking.

I haven’t even begun the worst part. Periods. Everything from cramps to mood swings. Can’t swim, can’t get laid, can’t drink beer. Hell to you mom, I never wanted to go to the temple anyway. One sneeze while sitting, and I’m all conscious about getting up. Having your girlfriends check your stain-free ass, staying away from any fabric white. And boy the level of horniness, if you know you know.

Seriously bunty can you breathe quietly-
oh you’re trying your best?
listen don’t give me attitude ok
(holds stomach). Ouch.

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