Turning 17.

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3:08 am.
23 April 2016, Saturday.

Hollow. Cavernous. Dark. Devoid. Sepulchral. Nugatory. Otiose. Cynical. Counterfeit. Schmaltzy. Unambiguous. Plain. Guileless. Scrupulous. Exultant. Blithe. Upbeat. Afraid. Confident.

Yes, all at the same time.
Tonight is my last night for being sixteen. For being this young. I’m never going to have the opportunity to embrace this pompous age again. But what surprises me is, neither do I want to.

Kids of every age are always excited to come to this point of life and not let it slip by. Much to my dismay, 16 wasn’t a particularly fine and dandy year.

I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I’m ungrateful to these teachers.

We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them. Funny how it works. I might not be the wisest I could ever be, but undoubtedly wiser than I’ve ever been before.

Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost. Let’s go down the line and cherish what comes through.

Sometimes the things that happen to us aren’t the best, but we forget that they aren’t the worst either. If you let those little things pass, I pity you. Why would we do that to ourselves? Those little things? Those little moments? They aren’t little.

If I accept sunshine and warmth, I must also accept thunder and lightning.

There is no use crying over milk that isn’t spilled. Well, this one’s about overthinking. S/o to people who worry about trying to make things right. ( which aren’t wrong in the first place )

You may forget with whom you laughed, but you will never forget with whom you wept! This message is very important when you’re confused whether to hold on to that person or let go.

To understand the heart and mind of a person, look at not what he has already achieved, but what he aspires to. To be honest, that’s what that person really is.

At this moment, as I might be turning 17, it felt like the whole of last year somebody divine told me to love my enemy, and thus I obeyed him and loved myself.

These days, I look in the mirror and I don’t see the face of the enemy. All I see is just a girl trying to figure out everything, step by step, day by day, taking the future as it comes.

And yes, I don’t know what the future holds. This used to punch me hard like a claw ripping into my chest, but now the obscurity if the future is almost comforting. To know whatever happens or may not happen is mine to set in stone. I may not know my place in the grand scheme of the universe, but I know it still is a place, however small or great, and we all have our roles to play.

And I know I’m going to have dark days and I know I’m going to make mistakes but that’s okay. As long as I remember to pick myself up each time along the long, winding road of life.

I have nothing to prove to anybody.

For the first time in a long, long, long time, I can say this. I’m going to be okay.

And if you’re reading this, you’re going to be okay too.


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